Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
