I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I deserve this hangover.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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