I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
