why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
