A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Randomize
