Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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