I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Randomize
