Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
