you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
