I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
