You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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