I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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