I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Randomize
