for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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