Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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