Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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