I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
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