i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
