just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
