What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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