I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
