I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
