He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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