dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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