The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Randomize
