I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
