perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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