I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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