I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
