i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
