i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
