I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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