he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
