booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
