I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
soo... how was my night?
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