I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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