Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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