please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
