When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
