based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
