i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Randomize
