Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
