your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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