forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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