we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
