This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
