I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
