I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
