Three words: puerto rican gang bang
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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