are you still at the devil's house?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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