I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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