peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
